(originally posted on 2016-11-09 | 17:10:07)

I must say that

I was not a respectful mother

even before I got sick.

Because

I had no doubt that I would become like my own mother,

but I couldn’t.

I was completely deflated.

I was determined to be involved in every part of domestic life.

I had my own belief

that a mother should do everything, all the mommy jobs

for her children.

That was my ideal perfect mother.

Yet,

since I got illness,

I couldn’t do anything,

literally, nothing.

In the end, I got hospitalized and

had to live completely apart from my kids.

I was forced to be in the situation

where I had to release obsessiveness to my own law.

Then,

I started to accept other support.

There is one perspective that

getting a disease has some message from God.

In that sense,

when I had to let go of this obsession to be a perfect mother,

which used to torture my mind and body,

I realized it had not been worth all the sacrifice

Because,

everyone is here for me

since a long time ago.

If I were able to accept their goodwill any sooner,

I might not have been in the situation that I had to lose everything.

But,

now as I get more time to spend together with my kids,

my obsessiveness is trying to come back to me.

Then, my older sister reminds me:

“Stop it----! Okay?”

My obsessiveness is stalking me.

Obsessiveness